Susie's Rhubarb Pie

 

In the neighborhood of my early childhood, most of the kids that I knew and played with lived nearby. There were nine to sixteen of us in this half-block area and we spent much of our time, as kids of that era did, playing outside. The dads were away at work during the day and the moms stayed home, so we did have adult supervision of a sort. Not that the moms knew everything that we did, but they had their ways of keeping track of us. I can't say that any of us remained close friends, but we got along for the most part and when we didn't we'd somehow work things out. We were truly a middle-class, blue-collar neighborhood and we all knew the unwritten rules. In our own way, we were a tight-knit group. Occasionally, we'd get a "new kid on the block" and two of those stand out in my memory.

 

 

Jackie Stackhouse only spent a couple of summers in the corner house across the alley. The house belonged to his grandparents and there were rumors that his parents were divorced - one of the cardinal sins of the day. He was a cute kid; I remember him as olive-skinned, with dark brown hair and chocolate eyes. He and the boys of the neighborhood quickly joined forces, but it wasn't long before they ousted him - "He's a sissy", "He cheats", "He's a half-breed", "He's only here for the summer." I honestly did not know what to think, but neighborhood loyalty ran deep in those days. My parents, ever wise and compassionate, had a heart-to-heart talk with me. They explained that Jackie's parents were having problems, but that was not his fault and so he was spending the summer with his grandparents. "Be nice to him." they said, "He's lonely and could use a friend." I was not to be that friend and I'm not sure that he ever had one in the neighborhood, but I did stop and talk with him several times over the back fence where he played alone. I found him to be a sweet and gentle boy and I often wonder what became of him...

Susie Gates was a redheaded, freckle-faced spitfire. She and her mother moved into the basement apartment right next to us and I have no recollection of how long they lived there, but it wasn't very long. We quickly became acquainted; she loved to play dolls and dress-up, but usually wore dresses and didn't like to get dirty, so our friendship ran hot and cold. One summer day when I was down visiting in her place, I told of how the neighbor on the other side of our house had a large patch of rhubarb. Susie's mom told us that if we would go and pick some, she would make us a rhubarb pie. Of course I knew better, but that pie sounded wonderful and so I led Susie to the spot and we sneakily stole some rhubarb. Returning to the apartment, my mouth began to water for that pie, but Susie's mom told me it was time for me to go home and I never got a bite. That made me angry and I confessed to my mom what we had done. I said it was OK because Susie's mom had told us to, but Mom set me straight in no time. "They may be having tough times," she said, "but you still need to do what you know is right."

 

 

 I sometimes think of stealing that rhubarb and of the pie I never got to taste, but mostly I think of Susie and her mother and of how difficult things must have been for them. Back then, I really didn't have a clue...

 ..."Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."     Luke23:43

 

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.     Philippians 1:9-11

 

MY Imperfections?

“Cast not away your confidence because God defers his performances. That which does not come in your time, will be hastened in his time, which is always the more convenient season. God will work when he pleases, how he pleases, and by what means he pleases. He is not bound to keep our time, but he will perform his word, honour our faith, and reward them that diligently seek him.” ~ Matthew Henry

 

Our small committee was meeting at a local coffee shop after a morning of work in one of our local parks. Deep in discussion on our on-going plan for the native plants we were to put in around the park's entrance, we got on the subject of how small the new plants would be, where we thought they should go, and how long it would take for them to reach maturity.
 

One man, a dynamo of energy and action remarked: "Can't we put in larger plants? I'm not getting any younger and I'd like to see the results of all this work sooner rather than later!" I tried to explain that this was a long-term project and that probably most of us doing this work would not live long enough to see the final results, but that the next generation definitely would. It was not the response he wanted to hear...

Patience may be a virtue, but it is something that many of us struggle with. Whether stuck in traffic, standing behind a fellow shopper who can't seem to find the right change, trying to get a word in with an acquaintance who talks on and on, or attempting to hurry a child who insists on dallying, we can feel the impatient sensations building - anger, irritation, blaming, shaming.

 

 

There is a discomfort and tensing in our stomach as we feel that things are just not going our way.
 

 More often than not, our answer to this discomfort is to try to change the other person, situation or thing that we think is causing it. But the problem is, it really is not the outside thing that's causing our discomfort, but how our mind perceives it. It is a problem within ourselves and therefore, the solution is an inside job.

 

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them– every day begin the task anew.” ~ Saint Francis de Sales

We each have different amounts of patience at different times and under differing circumstances. Some of us, perhaps, are just born with less or more of it than others.

Patience takes practice, and we can develop more of it if we really want to. First of all, we need to become more aware and learn to pay attention to when we are not patient.  

Then, odd as it may seem, we need to practice being kind to ourselves for not being "perfect" already.

Finally - and this is the tough one - we need to recognize and work on changing our automatic judgmental, critical thoughts and feelings. This is crucial, because simply changing the way we view any situation makes all the difference.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.        James 1:2-4

Beyond the Dark

 

It's interesting how one's outlook changes through the years. There was a time when I thought our family was perfectly "normal" - no divorce, addictions, mental issues, different sexual identities, illegal doings.... The few of these things that did exist were not in our immediate family and were never talked about.

 

Only on rare occasions did I overhear adults speaking in hushed tones about such things; therefore, I thought they were practically non-existent. Little did I know...

 

They say that ignorance is bliss, but is it really? Children look to the adults in their lives to show them how to deal with life and all that it throws at one. Not acknowledging nor talking about problems is really not dealing with them at all and is of no help to those around us who care.

 

For when it finally becomes your turn to deal with something "unthinkable" - and your turn will come, I assure you - you will probably have no idea how to do that. Of course no one deals perfectly with the bumps in life's road, but even admitting the hurt, frustrations, and feelings of loss and inadequacy is better than silence. We are all imperfect beings, and helping each other through the rough times is of immeasurable value.

 

I now know that our extended family is a mixed bag, made up of individuals who struggle with all kinds of issues. As a group, we have experienced estrangement, separation, divorce, addiction, depression, personality disorders, mental illness, homosexuality, dementia, prison time, joblessness and homelessness...  For we are, after all, a part of the human family. If you have not had to deal with any of these things, you are indeed fortunate. Going through, or helping someone else get through, rough times can either steel and embitter us OR make us more compassionate. The choice is ours.

 

In this season of darkness, many are hurting. Family, financial, physical and mental problems weigh even heavier on those afflicted amidst the bright lights, hustle, bustle and good cheer that others seem to enjoy. With today a blur and the future unimaginable, many see little hope, if any. Those of us who are able try to offer some measure of help with encouragement, shelter, food, employment, money, and gifts, but often the need runs deeper still. And so we simply BE THERE - in thought, prayer, service, and person. God fulfills His promises through us - lest we forget:

There is a light out there somewhere

far away, flickering on and off

in the distance.

Small and wavering,

seemingly unreachable,

it casts a small glow

into the darkness.

 

 

I have no idea how to reach it

nor even how to begin

to wander in its direction,

for my heart is numb

and my feet are leaden.

Often I cannot see it,

yet I know it is there.

 

 

Silent within the tumult,

it beckons me still,

for I feel its faint echo

somewhere deep within

longing for its warmth

and aching for its comfort,

yet lost and alone

 

 

Somehow it nourishes,

sustains me to a degree,

while taunting and urging

to face in its direction,

take that first small, faltering step

even as I teeter on the brink

of all that is feared and unknown.

 

 

All around is darkness -

cold, and comforting in its way.

But I am not a child of darkness;

I do not dwell here willingly.

Somehow I must pass through,

come out on the other side

into the warmth and light.

 

 

I cannot ask, but you must know -

Reach out and touch me,

though I am stiff and ice-cold.

We will hold hands and walk

through the misery together

toward that flickering light

that offers a ray of HOPE.

 

 

 There is surely a future hope for you,

and your hope will not be cut off.  

Proverbs 23:18

 

 

...we who have fled to take hold of the hope

offered to us

may be greatly encouraged.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul,

firm and secure.    

Hebrews 6:18-19

 

**I am trying a  larger print for this post. 
Please let me know if this makes any difference to your viewing.**

Bus to Nowhere (Melting Ice)

Grizzly Bear reared up and, towering above me, gave his most menacing look - claws at the ready, teeth showing, grimace and growl threatening. I cowered down, covered my face, and the growling stopped. Slowly, I uncovered it and peaked around the corner - "GGrr!" He erupted into giggles and fell to the floor as only a young child can. Then he climbed back into his seat and the game resumed - "GGGRRR!". It would be a long ride home...

When a freakish snow and ice storm wreaked havoc on the greater Puget Sound area of Washington, we were stranded in Seattle. Unable to fly out, we were forced to take a small, local Airporter bus back home. Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, a ride that normally takes two or less hours dragged on for eight. Although I was going through my own private Hell during this time (See my previous post: Bittersweet Ice), I found the others, crammed together with us on this journey, each had their own story.

In one of the front seats sat Mellow Man, whom we first met back at the airport. In the course of that two-hour wait we did a lot of visiting, as people tend to do when sitting next to each other for an extended period of time. He was a retired truck driver returning home after a visit to relatives back in Michigan. He'd had heart surgery a couple of years ago which he nearly didn't survive. He said that experience changed his life and he now took nothing for granted. "I'm far more patient now, you know? I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere cuz' time don't mean nothin'. I just value what I have, right here, right now." One thing he had was his lovely lady at home, whether a spouse or girlfriend we never learned; he called her often on his cell phone to apprise her of our progress and before the call ended he told her he loved her - every single time. The bus was not large and we could hear much of what others said; my final memory of Mellow Man is of his last call just before we arrived at his destination. "Almost there, honey; I'll see you soon - I love you."

Nervous Nick sat near the front, also. A young naval recruit, probably in his early twenties, he was bound for Naval Base Bremerton. We'd noticed him chain smoking outside the airport terminal, but then we boarded the bus for the two hour ride (we thought!) to the Kitsap Peninsula. As we neared Tacoma, traffic slowed and then stopped due to a horrendous accident. Nervous Nick couldn't wait and the driver allowed him to jump out for a few quick puffs. We moved on at a snail's pace, only to stop again due to the bridge closure. Nick jumped out again. Pulling off the freeway to spend a couple of hours at a McDonalds surely led to a sigh of relief for him, but then we had the loong drive back to Seattle. By the time we got to the Fauntleroy ferry dock, Nick was more than nervous - he was desperate. He got a bit of a reprieve, though, as it was Friday night and we'd missed the ferry, so had another hour to wait. As Nick practically leaped out the door, my husband, who only managed to kick the habit five years ago, sighed and shook his head. Hindsight can be painful...

Immediately behind the driver sat Mom-to-Be. Seven months' pregnant, this young navy wife was traveling alone and very anxious to get home. With her husband at sea, she'd been to visit her family in another state, probably for the last time before the baby came and her life changed forever. She spoke of moving across the country to this seemingly isolated base, adjusting to life alone when her husband shipped out, and her anticipation for this baby. With her sweet voice, she seemed like a kid herself, silver tongue stud glinting occasionally as she spoke. Kind, gentle, and self-assured, her eyes sparkled as she spoke of becoming a mother. "I can't wait! I know we won't be in the Navy forever, but at least when the baby comes, I won't be alone so much."

Guam-Mom and her daughter sat across the aisle from us, one seat up. Having been to Guam to visit family, and returning via Hawaii, they'd been traveling for forty eight hours. One of those small, serious, Asian women, whose true age was hard to tell, she spoke little, yet garnered tremendous respect. Her daughter saw to her every need and was very protective of her without being overbearing. Once on the bus, Guam-Mom mostly slept, while her daughter read from her Kindle and quietly made and received calls on her cell phone. They must have had a rather large extended family, for as we finally neared their destination, the rate of her calls picked up. Someone would definitely be there to pick them up and surely everyone in the family knew they were home. Obviously, Guam-Mom was highly-treasured and well-loved.

Student Nurse sat across the aisle from us and was deep in conversation with the equally-young navy man who sat next to her. She had flown in from Colorado, where she was in school, to attend the funeral of a beloved aunt. Although she did not elaborate, she shared that she'd mostly been on her own and pretty much supported herself since she was sixteen. She may have had a rocky adolescence, but her vision was clear and her goal was set - she was studying to be a geriatric nurse. She'd already had experience in this field with some of the various jobs she's held over the years. She was so young, so motivated and enthusiastic, but also wise beyond her years. And why, my husband asked, had she chosen that career? How did she know that was what she wanted to do with her life? "Simple!" She said. "There is such a need and I love old people. And I want to make a difference in the world." Simple, indeed.

Navy Crew sat behind us in the long bench seat across the back of the bus. Just out of basic training, this group of four young men and one woman was headed to their first assignment at the submarine base. During the many hours we spent together, their conversation spanned many topics, with occasional silences when they catnapped. Dressed in their crisp black uniforms, they were obviously on their best behavior and proud of what they represented. As we finally drew close to their destination, they became more animated and strained to see out of the fogged-up windows. Their conversation became a series of questions: "Where are we?" "All I can see is trees and fog; looks like a real no-man's land." "How far will we be from town?" "How big is Bremerton, anyway? That small, huh?" "Dang, what's there to do around here?" "I'm really hungry; do you think there's any take-out places on base?" From the front of the bus, Mom-to-Be's voice rang out - "There's a McDonald's..." I can only imagine how exciting that sounded.

Grizzly Bear must have been all of four years old and was with his mother. It had been a long day for him also, and, unlike many of the children who travel today, he clutched only one small super-hero toy in his hand. The warm animal hat on his head was something he was not willing to remove for any reason. When they took the seat immediately in front of us and he popped up to peer over the top of his seat, I attempted to talk to him. Asking his name, I got no reply - only an impish grin. Several other questions got the same response. "Nice hat you have. Is it a squirrel?" No reply. "I know, it must be a puppy dog." Nothing. "Oh, I see - it's a raccoon." Giggles - "Must be a grizzly Bear!" So began the game of GRRRR! that day - all the way to Nowhere...

Do not dwell in the past,

do not dream of the future,

concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha

Space in My Heart

An empty area

(usually bounded in some way between things)

It was interesting that I found it where I did - at the "end of the line" so to speak. There, on one of the multitude of rocks scattered along the edge of the river, I happened upon it quite by accident...

I have no idea who placed it there, but there was no doubt as to what it was - a perfectly shaped heart formed of small colored rocks. It was not alone, having been carefully placed about equidistance from two other formations placed on other rocks: a grouping of bright green leaves, weighed down by a smaller rock, and two words formed of small pebbles , "te amo" - I love you.

After many years of dreaming, this past Fall my husband and I finally made it to a few of the American Southwest's most spectacular national parks. That particular day was our time to "do" Zion, in southwest Utah, and we were more than ready to see it. We had begun early, catching a shuttle bus and leisurely riding to the far end of the road to take the Riverside Walk along the North Fork of the Virgin River.

The day was perfect for hiking - crisp, clear, and quiet. This trail is an easy one and winds along the river for a mile before the river becomes the trail. We did not plan to continue up the river, so took our time simply enjoying all that nature had to offer there.

At the point where the trail ended, we visited with a few other hikers and watched the more adventuresome ones take to the Narrows Trail up the river. Although I do enjoy visiting, I'm one who also just enjoys the great outdoors as it is, which is often fairly quiet. And so, while my husband continued visiting, I wandered along the river, taking in all of its nuances, which led me to the small heart.

An area reserved

for some particular purpose

And so, as is often the case with me, my mind began to wander - to the who, where, and why of things. Had young lovers passed this way earlier, finding it impossible to pass up the opportunity to express themselves to each other? Perhaps it had been the playful creation of children, or of visitors from some other place in the world, immersing themselves in the freedom of an area much different from their everyday lives. Was this a message left for someone in particular or for anyone who happened to find it?

I found odd assortments of pebbles on other rocks - were there more formations or "messages" to be found? In the end, I decided that it really didn't matter who put it there, or why; what did matter was how it affected me. I have seen a great many pictures of heart forms that others have found in nature and I know that some people specifically look for those. I am not one of them. I can think of only one other time and place where I saw one. Those two times, and others unrelated, have moved me profoundly because these are messages we all need to receive.

The interval between two times

What, exactly, is the human "heart"? Is it the same as a soul or something different - something pulsing, sustaining, feeling, empathizing, growing, shrinking, opening and closing? I do know that I follow mine often, and have since I was a child. Being raised in the "Big Sky" country of Montana, I was surrounded by open space.

Surely influenced in part by this land, my parents encouraged a certain amount of openness in me - honesty, loyalty, understanding, acceptance, and trustworthiness. Do not lie, especially when you're at fault; always do what you say you'll do; be patient and kind with all, especially those who are less fortunate - physically, mentally, and emotionally. Do what you think is the right thing, even if your friends do not; look deep inside and follow your heart - if you are conscientious you will not go wrong. I have found that, although it is not nearly that simple, all of this is pretty good advice.

Any location

outside the Earth's atmosphere

No matter how big my heart might be, it cannot function alone - neither can I. I treasure the times when I can be alone, but am seldom lonely, for I am full to the brim with friends and family. I treasure and enjoy those who are nearby; those who are not here are still with me, in my thoughts, my memories, my heart... Most of all, there is that supreme power, infinite wisdom, God, whatever you wish to call it, that surrounds, grounds, and connects me. I do not pretend to understand what this power is all about, but it do believe that it creates a vast amount of space within my heart - and within yours. It is up to us to fill it.

The unlimited expanse

in which everything is located

"The boundless regions of the infinite."

Words in bold italics are from:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/space