Sisterhood

I have many sisters. Two were born into our family long before I was. They, each in their turn, left home while I was still quite young for college, work, and marriage. They returned home for visits when they could, which for one was more frequently than the other. And so I grew up in a strange in-between type of situation, sort of like an only child with three mothers, although this is not really accurate. Time, maturity, and maintaining meaningful connections resulted in the three of us becoming quite close, as we remain today, in spite of differences in age, experience, interests, and distance.

Many of my sisters are simply friends, although friendship is far from a simple thing. Younger, older, or near my age, each has something to offer and does so willingly, generously, and often quite unknowingly. In any case, we have a connection of some kind and have formed a bond, an invisible thread that binds us together as "sisters".

My younger sisters are a constant source of inspiration with their abilities to adapt to this ever-changing world. Their enthusiasm propels me forward and enables me to glimpse a future that I may never fully experience. They invigorate me with their energy and activity, keeping me from growing stale and living in the past. Because of them, I remain optimistic and hopeful about the future.

My older sisters have become role models for me, showing me the positive sides of a well-aged life. They have learned the art of graceful living, paring life down to what is truly important and adapting well to their changing life situations. Like fine wine, they warm and sustain me. Because of them, I know that I, too, can make it through this life - one small step at a time.

There are sisters of a certain age - closer to my own - who hold a special place in my heart. For we have, after all, shared a very particular space in time, which others have not. Every generation and each era within it, is quite unique in some ways. To be born female in the same place and time creates a connection which is automatic and intrinsic. Although living in some nine different states, some of these sisters and I now meet every three years or so to maintain that connection.

As a group, our paths first crossed in the early 1960s at a small-town Montana cow college.

By happenstance, we all pledged the same sorority and began a journey none of us could have predicted.

Living together, in rather close quarters, for three years cemented a bond for most of us that has never been broken.

During those years, "the house" was truly our home away from home.

The '60s were years of turmoil and change. Emerging from the cold war with a quickly progressing space program and ever-accelerating associated technologies, Americans were plunged into dealing with the war in Viet Nam, unrest at home with the anti-war demonstrations, the advancing civil rights movement, women's liberation issues, and a whole plethora of illegal mind-altering substances. Then - BANG! BANG! BANG! - came the assassinations...

To those of us who'd experienced a simpler, quieter life before television, stepping out from our newly-shed adolescence into a world ripe with never-before offered opportunities (with equally unknown pitfalls) was an exhilarating experience! Stirring equal rights, birth control, and changing gender roles into the mix created a heady concoction for those of us raised in the smaller communities and rural areas of the West. But we were young, energetic, motivated, and somewhat innocent, so we did more than just wade through. We plunged in with both feet - and most of us survived...

Because that particular place and time can never be duplicated, and because we shared it all and have remained in contact through the years, marriages, births, divorces, deaths and moves, the bond we share is still strong. And so we gather: to remember, share, laugh, cry, and contemplate those now-distant times.

But that alone, I don't believe, would be enough to keep us returning to each other time after time. For although we now have a clearer understanding of where we all came from, we are progressing towards a place we know nothing about. In fact, NO one does.

To age, adjust, and adapt in this millennium will be quite the challenge. But communication in this new age is quicker and easier than ever. If we've been committed and able to stay in touch since the days of those messy, blue-copy ditto machines (if you're younger than that "certain age", this is probably Greek to you...) and snail-mail packets of letters, then keeping track of each other via email and Facebook is a lead-pipe cinch.

We do not gather simply because we share the past, but because we are still stepping boldly forth to meet the future, whatever it may be.

We have loved and supported each other through all this time - you don't suppose we're about to stop now, do you?

What is it about memory that hangs on,

seizes the heart and won't let go,

tranports us to another place and time?

Reunion of the Heart

Re-union n. 1. the act of uniting again. 2. the state of being united again. 3. a gathering of relatives, friends, or associates at regular intervals or after separation: a family reunion.

Teen friends 1958

Meeting in 10th grade through our church youth group, Phyllis and I became best friends fast. I remember fun-filled youth events, slumber parties, crazy skits, and double dates. I have many photos of those times - our teenaged selves stare out from an old scrapbook, dressed in strapless, pouffy formals of the era, complete with corsages, dated hairdos, nervous young men at our sides. What fun we had!

Senior Ball 1959

During our Senior year - between changing boyfriends, borrowing each other’s belongings, catty little notes and snide remarks - a distance grew between us. One of her notes cut me to the quick and with bitterness I headed off to college taking my chances with an unknown roommate, rather than room with her. We put a “surface patch” on our friendship, joining the same sorority and living in the same house with many other girls. Although polite and respectful to one another, we were never close again.

Slumber Party 1959

Years later, as I sorted through old mementos in the family attic, I came across the note that Phyllis had written. Reading it again, hot tears ran down my face - not from anger, but from deep remorse. We had been so different, she and I - she so full of life, outgoing, bold, a risk-taker in many ways; I was reserved, shy, introspective and highly sensitive. We had been drawn together because of our differences. Her words hit home, her criticism totally justified. Ashamed and sad, I realized that we both had played a part in our estrangement and it no longer mattered. I wanted so badly to talk with her, but how does one mend such a rift after so many years and across so many miles?

Talkin' on the phone - 1959

After college, we’d gone our separate ways - to careers, marriages and far-flung locations. Phyllis moved to California to teach and, with another sorority sister, began a “round robin” letter-writing campaign every few years to help us all keep in touch. She married, moved to Alaska, taught in the bush for many years, and had two daughters before settling in Anchorage. I also married and taught school, moved to Colorado, Idaho, Texas, Idaho and finally settled in Washington state. Each time I read her letters, I thought of reconnecting with her - I just didn’t know how.

Senior Ball 1959

In 2000, a sorority reunion was planned. They’d had one other, but I’d been unable to attend. Looking forward to seeing everyone again, I resolved to make amends. I still did not know how - only that I must. When we were finally face-to-face again, the years slipped away. As we visited, I told her how much I had enjoyed her friendship and how sorry I was that we’d hurt each other. We’d long since forgotten what the tiff was all about, and began to simply enjoy each other’s company again. We now exchange Christmas cards and e-mails, have enjoyed two more reunions and have kept in touch. Next summer, many of us will meet for a 45th reunion and I anticipate it with no misgivings at all. Phyllis and I have much catching up to do!

Sorority Reunion

What pain we humans inflict on each other - most of it comes back to us. We cannot undo what we’ve said and done - we can only ask forgiveness and forgive in return. Life goes forward from there.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,

 brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

 forgiving each other,

just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32