"I
sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into
it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for
me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.
And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly -
waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: "Why,
this is Christmas Day!" ~David Grayson
Well,
not quite - although I do agree with the sentiment, it's obvious it was written
by a man. Most of the women I know were busily working on Christmas activities
for weeks. I've long felt that if it were not for women, holidays would not be
nearly what they are - the positive and the negative side. That, I suppose, is
a whole 'nother topic for some other time. But there is much to be said for
taking Christmas a little at a time, especially when it comes to priceless
gifts.
After
the dual dramas of dealing with the moves* of two elderly relatives, we treated
ourselves to some early "Christmas gifts". In early October, we -
with older sister in tow - made the three hour drive to visit our youngest
niece and her dad. Having finally convinced him to make the move last spring,
she was anxious for us all to re-connect as soon as possible. We definitely
felt the same, as her dad is the husband of the beloved sister we lost two
years ago at this time of year. He also suffers from Alzheimer's, so time is of
the essence...
Love
of and connection to family are strong forces in most people's lives, but I
think take on deeper meaning as we age. As a child, I never thought about, nor
could I have envisioned, living without either or my parents or my older
sisters. Life simply progressed day by day and many of the thoughts and
feelings I had concerned things that were somewhat trivial as I look back on
them. They were important to me at the time, however, and I do not mean to
infer that they were unimportant, for that is the way of youth. If I had needed
to be concerned about my relationship with the rest of my immediate family, I
might not have had the energy and drive to pursue the thoughts and actions I
did in other areas of my young life.
As it was, I had a fairly carefree
childhood and blissfully skipped from one year to the next. Perhaps I was
overly naive, but I like to believe that the adults in my life gave me the
security and confidence to move forward. I ache for those children who do not
have that kind of stability in their lives.
My
oldest sister went off to college the year I turned two and began teaching the
year I entered first grade. She has always been independent, so moved forward
in her career, attended graduate school, traveled widely for work and pleasure,
and remained single. For most of her life she lived elsewhere in Montana, but
always drove home to spend holidays with us. Because of our family-owned floral
and greenhouse business, she spent many of those visits home working - either
in the store or cooking/cleaning at the house. I never doubted that she would
be there and greatly anticipated her visits and hearing stories of her latest
travels and adventures. She was always my "Big Sister".
Our
middle sister, who was only fifteen months younger than the oldest, also went
off to college when I was four. She chose her own route, however, and married
the love of her life in her senior year. Because he was in graduate school,
they moved east immediately and she completed her schooling there. Never again
did she live close, but they - eventually with three daughters in tow - made
the long trek back to Montana almost every summer. Again, I never doubted that
they would come and longingly looked forward to that one precious week when all the family could be together.
My
oldest sister had introduced our other sister and her future husband in
college, so she has known him longer than any of us. Even before he married our
sister, he blended into our family easily. Raised on a small farm, he had
humble beginnings, but chose a career in biochemistry; he eventually earned a
PhD, did research, and became a university professor. I fell in love with him
early in life, and always, ALWAYS enjoyed talking with him about science, outer
space, and spooky "unknowns".
I never doubted that we would always have these wonderful conversations.
There
is just so much we all take for granted. As little as two and a half years ago
none of us foresaw where we would all be today - and maybe that's a good thing.
Time and distance have made "in- person" visits difficult, but we
have all worked at keeping in touch and that is what really matters.
As with we
older ones, life circumstances have scattered our progeny across the country
and muddied the waters of connectedness. I understand this. I also know that it
takes time and effort to establish and maintain any connection. My sincere hope is
that they will find the time and make the effort to do that, because there just
is no connection on earth like family bonds.
And
so we made that three hour trek for the specific purpose of maintaining those
bonds and establishing new ones. For there are new generations and new
relationships to become acquainted with. Our youngest niece and her significant
other have also made the same drive to see us twice in the last month for the
very same reason. They both have busy careers and active lives, so the decision
to come, and the notification to us of same, were done with short notice. No
matter - we've all learned to "go with the flow" and be as flexible
as we can. Perhaps it takes losing someone or watching them slowly fade away for
us to truly value those we have here and now. When it comes to those I cherish,
I'll take what I can get whenever I can.
It's
said that a road runs in both directions and that is certainly true. You see, a
simple three hour drive for a weekend visit is not such a simple thing to me -
it has great meaning and is one of the finest gifts I could ever receive.
"You have to be vulnerable
to have real
intimacy with people.
It's a two-way street, you know?"
~ Michelle Pfeiffer
*For background on the "dual dramas" of the moves:
November Musing - Part 1
November Musing - Part 2
So true! What a poignant post. I'm glad you had your family time over the holidays. My family is scattered from Minnesota through Southern California and is nearly impossible to gather together at one time, so we're grateful for email.
ReplyDeleteIn some ways connections are so much easier today... email, cell phones, text messages, blogs to comment on. In other ways, they are so much harder. Travel was a barrier when I was in school and making those annual treks to family moments. But those weeks had gotten "carved out" of our schedules and were sacred. After I became an young adult, I lived closer (physically) to grandparents than parents and it was easier to drop in. Annual treks sometimes matched worked schedules and some times did not. Lately, the distance between relatives and the cost of and time requirements of the actual transportation means that I get to see ONE of them every year or so... it makes those connections quite a bit looser and the times to together even more precious.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way these shots were framed to show quiet times together. Nice!